The Outing

Today at Mothergoose, where Elyse and I meet up with other moms and their babies to sing songs and rhymes, I outed myself as being a parent of child with Down syndrome for the first time.  By no means was I trying to hide something about myself or my daughter before, but there were several reasons I chose to bite my tongue:
Firstly, the moment never seemed right.  I have made a conscious decision not to blurt out that "ELYSE HAS DOWN SYNDROME!" to everyone I meet.   Also, I knew I did not want the other mothers, or anyone for that matter, to judge Elyse or look at her differently than they would any other baby.  I wanted to give Elyse the chance to just be herself without all the questions and curiosities that would inevitably come.  I did not feel it necessary to put the information that Elyse has Down syndrome at the forefront of the conversation upon meeting new people, because that is not how I wanted Elyse to be initially recognized or remembered- by her disability.  In addition, it really is not that relevant at the moment.  Elyse can enjoy Mothergoose song time the same as any other baby.
How it came up in conversation today was when we were singing a song about where we were going after Mothergoose, and I disclosed, "to the hospital".
I had mentioned to the other moms before that Elyse had surgery, as her abdominal scar is very evident when I am changing her diaper, and moms tend to talk openly about these kinds of things.  So, the announcement of today's visit was not necessarily a shock, but there were some concerned glances, and the leader of our group asked if everything was okay?  I explained it was just a follow-up visit, because of her surgery, and then decided to add that Elyse has Down syndrome and so has some extra appointments related to that as well.  That captured all the moms' attention, as I would have expected it to.  The mom sitting next to me with her sweet eight month old began asking me questions right away: "Oh wow!  Is it a mild form, because she doesn't look..." I gently stopped her right there, and explained that there is no mild form of Down syndrome - you either have it or you don't.  She then went on to say, "You are such an inspirational mother after all that you have gone through, and you're here with her!"  My reply, which I hope is an attitude that will transcend all obstacles, is that I did what any mother would do, which is to love and take care of her children.  The questions continued, "Did you know beforehand?  Is there anything that you have to do differently with her, like as a baby?"  I was happy to inform her that Elyse is just like any other baby, and as such,  there is no difference in her care or the way that I treat her.  The other moms seemed satisfied with my answers, and were all very supportive.
What I am hoping all the moms listening to me speak about Elyse realized today, and after sitting next to the two of us not knowing she had Down syndrome for the past month or so, is that having a child with a disability or who is different is not something to be feared, as I once did, and that we are all much more alike than any one of us is different.
I truly have nothing to hide, nor does Elyse, but I feel I can make a more impactful statement supporting those who have disabilities if I choose my moments carefully and wisely.
Why do I care so much about what these women think, or for what anyone thinks for that matter?  Not because I feel any shame or embarrassment on the part of my child for a genetic arrangement beyond her control, no, that is not it.  I care what these women think because it is they who will shape our next generation of children alongside me, and among these children Ariel and Elyse will play.
I am not pretending that Elyse will never be different from her peers - to the contrary!  I am acknowledging that difference is something to be celebrated - not feared, and that a society into which everyone belongs is a society that I want to help shape and create for my children to live in.

***As an aside, Elyse's follow-up with the surgery team went very well!  As far as her incision and the healing process is concerned, all looks well and there is no need for any more follow-up appointments with them - hooray!