'R' You Listening?

I promised Dan, before my daily blogging days were up, that I would dedicate a blog to the R-word.  He still (and I'm using that word emphatically) encounters people using the word "retarded" in his every day life.

I encountered a passage about the R-word in the memoir I've been tearing through all day, and took that as a sign.  I first heard about Raising Henry:  A Memoir of Motherhood, Disability, & Discovery at the CDSS conference, and pre-ordered myself a copy last spring.  I have been looking forward to reading it ever since. (I have a bit of a soft spot for disability-related memoirs, in case you didn't know)

In describing coming to terms with her newborn son's diagnosis of Down syndrome, the author - Rachel Adams - writes:  "The word "retardation" felt like a slap in the face.  I hadn't known people even used the word "retarded" anymore, except for teenagers I heard shouting at each other on the subway during the after-school rush....Some people might ask what difference it makes whether we say a baby is retarded or cognitively delayed.  It makes all the difference in the world, since one label implies a static and unredeemable essence, the other a malleable condition that can be shaped by society and environment." (Adams, 24)

I like where she was going with differentiating between the two terms, but I would take it one step further, in a slightly different direction, and say it makes a difference about whether we say a baby is cognitively delayed versus has a cognitive delay - see the subtle, yet oh so important variation?  See the person first.  See the person as separate from the disability.  The word 'retarded' doesn't even enter the vicinity of my children.  That word is long since dated and highly offensive.

Admittedly, the amount of times I hear a person use the word 'retarded' has drastically reduced, but it may have something to do with the company I keep.  I spend a lot of time with other families who have children with Down syndrome, and they don't seem to be the ones saying it.

However, many individuals Dan comes into contact with, most of whom are highly-educated, well-socialized, upper-level critical-thinker type individuals still find themselves casually using that word.  A far cry from the "teenagers" Adams described.  The 'R' word cuts through me like ice:  I stop cold when I hear it.  I hope by shining some light on the subject matter, the ugly truth becomes clear.

To be very clear:  using the word "retarded" to describe yourself, another person, a situation or thing is no longer socially acceptable - if it ever was.  By using that word, you are putting down a person with a cognitive delay, which - if done so purposefully - is an act lower than low on the scale of being a decent human being.

I will no longer show tolerance on the subject matter.  People with Down syndrome, and those with general cognitive disabilities face too many other challenges than to be needlessly knocked off their feet by a senseless expression.

There is a wonderful diagram floating around at conferences and via social media that is definitely worth sharing here on the topic of the 'R-word'.  I will end here with this chart, and my one final plea:  Please - find a different word!  Thank you.