A Mother's Love

Once the grogginess cleared, Ariel was super excited to wake up from her nap and spend the afternoon playing with her Grandma McFarlane.  There was no better 'cure' to this rainy day than some time with grandma, followed by a short and sweet visit from Uncle Brad, Aunt Stacy and big cousin Kianna.  Ariel adores Kianna, and seems to worship the ground she walks on.  They played Play-dough, then read stories together - lovely.

craft time

making trains

Kianna is holding a tiny witch head that she beautifully crafted from Play-dough

Best role model

***I am almost done reading the book, "The Year My Son and I Were Born - A Story of Down Syndrome, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery", by Kathryn Lynard Soper.  I have to be careful to only pick this book up when I am going to have some time to myself to read because it is at times so heart-wrenching, brutally honest, and very, very close to home that I find myself in tears.  The protagonist's story is much different than mine in that she is clearly suffering from depression, has 6 other children to contend with - among other things.  As such, she presents the facts through a lens much darker than the one I am looking through from my view point of the world.  Regardless, her description of her infant son with Down syndrome, who spent a considerable amount of time in the NICU as a result of his prematurity, swatting away anyone's hand who tried to get close to his face, is a harsh reality I discovered I would be facing through this book.  As two doctors attempted to look in his ears, he instinctually batted their hands away, and the lead doctor confirmed, "definitely a NICU baby".  Feeding tubes and breathing tubes are placed in a premature baby's nose and throat and they must constantly be taped down, replaced and adjusted - uncomfortably so, as you can imagine.  Her son learned to associate people touching his face with pain, and his mother came to the heartbreaking realization later on that is why he would pull away when she gently tried to guide his face to her breast in the early days, weeks and months attempting to breastfeed (she ended up bottle feeding in the end).  I cannot ignore that these are all very real issues with babies in the NICU that our baby may also face.  

I cannot help but think back to my 'perfect' first year with Ariel.  In her first year of life, there was never an unloving touch, a request that went unanswered, or even a moment that we ever really spent apart.  I was always with her, and always there to protect her, and she has thrived from that love.  I have made up my mind that being around when the medical team handle my baby, to help calm her and hold her as much as I can, is all I am going to be able to do to 'counter-act' the necessary medical attention she will so need, but will vehemently despise.  I will not avert my eyes to her discomforts, because I will have to make it up to her with time and much love.  I am just going to have to grit my teeth and bare it.