Thinking of Tomorrow

To be perfectly honest, today is a day, that if I knew there weren't people counting on me, I would skip writing a blog, and go straight to bed.  I am exhausted!  Last night, Ariel barely slept at all.  Dan has been kind enough to be braving all the night wakings, but even when I know I don't need to get up, I hear her and wake just the same.  Call it a 'mother's curse' if you will.  From 11pm - 2am he was up with her, then at 4am, then at 6am Ariel came into our bed with us and we all 'slept in' until around 8am.  Today was my day to 'get things done', so I felt that I was starting the day 'late', and somehow needed to catch up from the get-go.  I dropped Ariel off at her grandparents, ran errands, got groceries and cleaned out the fridge, prepared dinner.  Then, I took Ariel to a doctor's appointment to deal with a nagging cold that has lasted a week and a half, and transformed into this nasty cough that makes her wheeze when she breathes.  My poor girl.  At the doctor's office, Ariel fell off a small chair onto the tile floor and is for sure going to have a nasty bruise there tomorrow; her forehead was red and raised!  Ariel screamed bloody murder as the doctor barely touched her with his stethoscope listening to her breathing; the over-exageration of her protests was almost comical.  After her appointment, I raced her home so Dan could get her to bed at a decent time and rushed off to pick up her new prescription puffers, so that there is a chance in hell that we might get some decent sleep tonight! Got the meds, rushed home and practically woke my sleeping baby to put a ridiculous looking face mask attached to a tube with an inhaler at the end over her face, and tried to get her to just breathe...BREATHE!!!  Sigh.  She obliged, and is now asleep - thanks to her father.  Day's not done yet.  I managed to sneak out the door and walk over to the library to pick up a book I placed on hold.  Thankfully, the Ancaster library carries several books on Down syndrome, so I will have something to read tomorrow when I spend hours at the hospital waiting.  Tomorrow.  Part of the reason I think today feels so chaotic and tiring is because it's the day before tomorrow.
Tomorrow is going to be a big day for Dan, baby #2 and I.  We have our first appointment at the High Risk clinic at McMaster.  We might meet our baby's surgeons.  Every time we've gone to these type appointments, there has been news.  The first time the news was that our baby was to be born with Down syndrome; I was just over 22 weeks pregnant, and heading on a trip to Barbados the next day.  At our follow-up appointment, just a few short weeks ago, the news was that our baby has Duodenal Atresia - a condition in which there is a blockage from her stomach to her small intestine that will need to be operated on within the first 24 hours after she is born so that she is able to eat.  30% of babies born with Down syndrome develop this condition, also referred to as the "double-bubble".  The baby's stomach is unable to break down the amniotic fluid as it should with the blockage.  As amniotic fluid continues to build up inside of me, there is a risk that my membranes could rupture, and the baby could come out much too quickly in an undesirable fashion (cord first, breach, etc.).  Since that appointment, my pregnancy has been bumped up to 'high-risk' status, and has created the need for closer monitoring and a very controlled labour.  I will likely be spending some time in the hospital before and definitely after the baby is born.
Every time we go to the hospital for an appointment there just seems to be some giant new piece of news that requires a lot of time and thought to take it all in.  All day today I couldn't help but feel my mind being clouded and overwhelmed with thoughts about tomorrow's visit.  I'm thankful for knowing what we do ahead of time - it will help keep me and my baby safe, but here's keeping our fingers crossed that tomorrow brings only more helpful information, and another day.  Whatever the news may be, I still continue to feel my baby girl move around vigorously inside of me everyday, and I know that is more than a lot of people could ask for.  I value her life above all else - regardless of what tomorrow's troubles could bring.