Precision of Language

Having just finished reading, "The Year My Son and I Were Born" today, by Kathryn Lynard Soper, I have learned a lot about Down syndrome from a parent's perspective.  One issue the author broaches, that I have been wanting to discuss, centres around the precision of language.
In the short time we have known our daughter will be born with Down syndrome, I have been striving to find and use the most appropriate up-to-date terms to describe Down syndrome and its associated meaning to friends and family members.  My first realization was that I did not fully know what was 'acceptable' versus 'unacceptable' vocabulary - 'sensitive' versus 'insensitive' terms - to use when talking about Down syndrome.  I am becoming much more aware of what terms I feel comfortable using, and hearing other people use, to describe my child, or any other child, born with Down syndrome the more I read, learn, and emotionally connect with my baby-to-be.  I want to share what I have learned so far, not in an attempt to judge those who may choose the words I cast down, but to present the most up-to-date, politically correct vocabulary in the best interest of children with special needs and my child-to-be with Down syndrome.  Who better to explain what terms 'feel right' than a loving parent?

Many people have approached me using the term, "Down's kids...".  From now on, I will stop you right there.  Innately, I have a problem with placing the child's special needs in front of the child.  As I have written prior, I want people to look at my child and see the child first - not her syndrome.  In teacher's college, in my class on Teaching Children with Special Needs, we were taught that putting the word "child" in front of "special needs" shows which takes priority - so using the phrase 'a child with special needs', instead of 'a special needs child' puts the emphasis where it should be - on the child.  In the book I just finished reading, the author retorts, "Down's kids.  I hated the term - it reminded me of "Jerry's kids."  I cringed as I pictured a bunch of almond-eyed children gathered adoringly around John Langdon Down, the syndrome's namesake.  Thomas wasn't Down's kid.  He was my kid."  I have also started to dislike the term, but I could never really put my finger on why, and how best to explain it to others.  I see now that it is because I do not want her chromosomal arrangement, what makes her different, to define her.  She is a child and person first, and if she needs to be defined as anyone's child, she is our child, not Down's child (who had two sons of his own - by the way).

I would also like to point out that it is not grammatically correct to say, "The Down syndrome".  A child does not have "the Down syndrome", it is simply "Down syndrome".  Note that the 'D' in 'Down' is capitalized after the man who identified common characteristics of individuals with Down syndrome, but that 'syndrome' is not.  Also, it is not "Down's syndrome", as Mr. Down did not possess the syndrome himself.

Most people do not choose to use any of the aforementioned terms to be malicious, or condescending or with anything other than sweet intent, and as such, I will not be angry or disappointed if I hear people using outdated language related to Down syndrome - I will simply aim to educated them.  However, in the following case, the word is used as a derogatory term, usually in the context of a put down, and I simply cannot let it go by as a term I am okay with hearing - ever.

Use of the 'R' word.  I have always found calling someone a 'retard' completely inappropriate, and the use of the word 'retard' distasteful in general BECAUSE of the negative connotations it has come to possess.  There was a point in time when the words, "mentally retarded" or "mentally handicapped" could and were commonly used to describe someone with Down syndrome, or anyone who had what is now known as a 'cognitive delay' or 'cognitive impairment' - those days are long gone.  Over time, the term "retarded" has turned into a word used to put someone or something down, while simultaneously degrading a term formerly used to denote individual's with certain special needs.
I will admit that Dan and I are not exempt from this common turn of phrase used by our generation.  I am amazed how often I hear someone saying something is "retarded", now that I am more sensitive to it.  I understand, and believe that most people are not consciously thinking about their choice of words.  Stop.  Think about it.  That is all that I ask.  I will too.