The mom writes, Remove my daughter from the picture and stand one of the other kids from her class (or your child) in her spot. Take a minute to visualize it. How does it look? Is it okay? What would the parents say? Probably, why is Jimmy standing to the side? Would they be happy about it? How would Jimmy feel? I can think of 3 easy fixes. How many can you think of? This old school way of taking photos needs to change. It needs to consider the kids that can't sit or stand nicely on a school bench. To quote a friend, "this flies in the face of inclusion." No child should ever be made to feel like they are on the outside, an after-thought. "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." This needs to change.
The overwhelming response from other parents in our community to this post has been positive. I believe most people want to say or do the right thing, to be inclusive, but we don't always know how - myself included!
I took the girls outside to play this afternoon after school. I suggested a game of soccer, knowing I'd likely only be playing with Ariel, and have to find ways to divide my time between the other two as well. Whenever I do anything with the three girls, it's always an interesting dynamic. Penelope, at age 2, wants my undivided attention - oh wait - so do the other two!
Playing soccer with 7 year-old Ariel is fast-paced, physical, challenging, and competitive. Just because she's my daughter doesn't mean I let her off easy. When I play against kids, I play to win. Ariel and I play HARD against one another. The level of play is far beyond the current skill set of the two younger ones, and though Elyse was somewhat intimidated (she did get power kicked in the stomach with the ball at one point), she still wanted to join in - and why shouldn't she?
To bring the level of play down to Elyse's level, whose gross motor skills are delayed, wouldn't have been very much fun for Ariel and I, truth be told, but there was a better solution. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of this game before!
I made a rule. Before either Ariel or I could score a goal on each other's net, we had to receive a pass from Elyse first. Basically, Elyse had to be the last one to touch the ball before anyone took a shot on net. Elyse is good at kicking the ball, she's just not so good at getting to it quickly, and lining up shots. By us bringing the ball to her, i.e. passing it, she was not only given the chance to practice her soccer skills, but she had an assist on every goal! Win,win! It was awesome! Elyse was laughing her head off, accepting the ball, and kicking it back to us left right and center, and keeping up with the play. I can honestly say this version of the game was way more fun than just me versus Ariel, and totally INCLUSIVE.
When I tried to introduce Penelope into play, the next level of the game, she reached up for me, "No! Up! UP!", and when that didn't work, she picked up the soccer ball, and walked away with it. "Mine." And that was that. There is something to be said for developmental readiness.
Jokes aside, when we include everyone we ALL win. There is no need for that child in the wheelchair to be cast aside in her own class photo, or for Elyse to be left out in her own family's games.
An interesting concept I heard about while at the World Down Syndrome Congress in Scotland, this past summer, is the idea of Universal Design. The premise is that when we create spaces, and learning environments, conducive to the needs of children with special needs, we are actually creating spaces that are ideal, and in fact superior, for ALL kids. There's solid research to back it up.
I can see exactly how this could be applied to social situations as well. In adapting our game to include various levels of skill, Ariel and I then worked on passing skills, such as accuracy and ball control; we had to use strategy, and we also added the most important skill in soccer - team work.
To use that brave mother's words, in addition to changing the way we look at things, I would challenge us to put our heads together, and for the things we look at to change in a way that benefits everyone. Because it will.
Inclusion benefits all
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