Ugly was the look on my face this morning, when I was running late, got out of the shower, carefully made the few steps across my bathroom floor - so as not to slip - naked and soaking wet, and moved the door to reach for my towl AND...a kid jumped out and scared the crap out of me. I didn't think it was so funny, this time, not after last time, when my heart was pumping out of my chest, and I asked Ariel not to do it again. At least, we can assume my face looked dark and ugly, but Ariel wisely decided not to stick around and find out.
Ugly was the mess on my kitchen floor yesterday, when I dropped my entire lunch: a full scalding bowl of chicken stew. I bemoaned the loss much greater than the mess. A mess is easily fixed, a freshly cooked meal not so.
Bad. Oh, I can do bad. Bad was when I was at the grocery store after gymnastics class with Ariel and Elyse, and I turned to pick up a head of romaine lettuce - one head of romaine lettuce, that's all I needed - and when I turned my head back, Elyse was gone. I ran to the spot where she was, and scanned each of the eight different escape routes she may have taken, and there was no sign. I most definitely looked panicked, and concerned shoppers noticed. "ELYSE?!" Another second. Then GOOOOOD good good good good good.
"There's a little girl in pink right here." Crouched down in the aisle. Where there is no way I could see her. Thank you, thank you.
Good was feeling my daughter's tiny hand back safely in mine, and very good were the two customers who stood ahead of me in line at the '1 to 12 item' check out line, and saw what I had, and who I was with, and let me go right on ahead of them. With my one troublesome head of lettuce.
Good was watching my girls do gymnastics with their peers. Seeing Ariel climb to the top of the rope and make stars in the air on the trampoline. Watching Elyse perform kicks with beautiful straight legs, balancing across the beam. Good was hearing the little girl with the red hair after class exclaim, "Bye, Elyse, bye!" Then to her grandma, "Elyse is one of my best friends. I love playing with her."
Good was coming home, and eating dinner as a family, and providing that one missing ingredient. Good was spending my day writing, and reconnecting with an old friend who, after finishing her PhD in sustainable agriculture, plans to start a farm, or a fermette in Eastern Quebec. I asked her what animals she might like to have on her farm, and she mentioned chickens. I told her about the time, recently, when Dan and I were chased by a hen on one of our marathon training runs. "That's wild", she wrote. "I've heard of aggressive roosters, but not hens!" I had a laugh, remembering. That was good.
Losing my favourite hair elastic was bad, picking up my dog's poo was ugly, but walking my dog outside, at my leisure, in the fresh fall air, and blinding sun, while the wind whipped my hair in a hulla dance was more than good, it was life sustaining, and a natural feeling of deep, deep gratitude came over me for the goodness that is my days, that fills my life. Without the bad, and the ugly - I wouldn't be able to see it.
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