Setbacks

I'm not sure where I got the idea that adulthood would be easy.  Certainly not from watching my own parents work hard, or because of a desire on my part for a cushy existence (see More).  Often times I feel like I'm putting out one fire after another; yanking out one weed only to watch another one pop up.  We did literally have that experience with our first home. Maybe I should have taken the hint that our ceaseless weeds were a metaphor for life's problems.  Watching me yank out weeds by the fistful in frustration, my neighbour leaned over the fence to offer her condolences. 
"Yeah," see told me, "You guys never had a chance.  I watched them lay down that sod, and they didn't bother pulling up any of the weeds first.  They just laid the sod right on top.  This whole yard was weeds."
 In my life, this translates to:  I finally finish cleaning the kitchen to find the living room a mess; I take the girls to music class, inadvertently missing Elyse's speech session; I return one call to find a pressing email waiting; I help Ariel complete one school project in time for the next task to come home.  I tend to one child's needs while leaving the others to fend for themselves.  Sometimes I move from tears to tears.  Whoever is crying (the loudest) gets my attention.
I destroy the source of our pests, but the problem of the adult beetle remains; I help one friend, but in doing so, am letting another down.  I organize costumes for Halloween and buy presents for November birthdays just in time to start preparing for Christmas.  I trade sleep for time to myself, perpetuating the cycle of exhaustion.  I do what's right for my children, by not doing what's right for me.  This is what women do.  This is what women are expected to do.
I stretch myself so thin that there's nothing left of me or my desires.
Except I won't do that.  I refuse to disappear among life's daily distractions and demands.
Adulthood isn't easy, but it doesn't have to suck.  I'm going to ask for help.  I'm going to work together with other friends and family to get the job done.  I'm going to ride share, depend on my husband, carve out time for me that's untouchable.  Realistically, I'm going to continue to be flexible.
I can do that.  I just did it to write this blog.  And what should happen during that time?  My computer randomly shut off, and I had to wait for it to restart.  Precious minutes, lost from my day.  A minor setback, among many.
I'm not going to let it get me down.